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Transcript:

Ramblings of the Soul as they happen:

I have no desire to be completed by anyone anymore.

That has to be the most freeing sentence I’ve ever typed in my life.

Not E. Not S. Not A. Not anybody. I have all I need as I am.

As I sit here typing this out. I have everything I could’ve ever dreamt of or asked for.

And it’s all here.

How could this be such a sense of completion and fullness after a morning of anxiety, fear, loneliness, and sadness? Because all those things don’t define me anymore.

My abandonment defined me for longer than I can remember.

The rejection.

The anger. The pain. The sorrow.

It defined me. But no longer.

Worthy. Enough. His child.

Nothing can hold me down again.

Not saying it won’t affect me or cause me to mourn.

That is a life I tried to live for far too long.

It was an is exhausting.

But, rather, I would feel all of it.

Every single heartbreak.

Every single tear.

Every single painful no or discarding.

It has the right to make me feel the things I feel.

To nudge against scars of the past and make them feel itchy and uncomfortable.

But… They have the power to hold me no longer.