I Won't Forget.
Not for a moment.
Forget history. Repeat the mistakes.
Forgive and forget. I'm certain that this mindset was established and perpetuated by someone who committed a great atrocity.
When we forget...
We do a disservice.
To ourselves.
I won't ever forget the betrayal.
The abandonment.
The disrespect.
Not by one. But by so many.
For weeks, I sat with my therapist and the one thing I couldn't let go of was the fact that I had let someone disrespect and mistreat me the way that I had.
For the first time ever, I knew I had deserved better.
And I was so angry with myself...
For letting someone hurt me in such a way.
For trusting someone with it all.
I guess that's a lesson I will never forget.
It took me over a 100 times to learn it.
I am a stubborn fool.
This I know.
It is something I am working towards changing.
I made mistakes.
Plenty of them.
I am by no means, perfect.
Nor do I want to be
I want to relish and grow from my imperfections.
Into the man I've always dreamt of becoming.
Without the pain, there is no progress.
No growth.
No evolution.
If the story ended there...
It would've been a grand disservice.
To me and the impact I have.
To the love I bring.
The bitterness is gone.
The resentment processed.
Forgiveness has arrived.
"I forgive you."
Sometimes, I say it before I get there.
Because I know I will.
And I know I won't ever let it happen again.
It's odd...
How clear it became to me.
That I didn't need to forgive her.
I didn't need to forgive him.
I didn't need to forgive them.
The one person I still am working towards forgiving... is the person who spent so long neglecting me... me.
Yours faithfully,
Qavah.
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