BREAKDOWN.

broken. heart. mind. soul.

with each breath, my hands quiver.

i won. I did what i set out to do.

i should be happy.

i should be thankful.

i’m not. i wish i was.

my heart...

it’s in pieces.

I miss her. i miss them. i miss me.

my dreams. they were taken from me.

my best friend. my savior.

the one person that never left me.

i’m angry with him. engraged.

i want to fight him and question him.

what gives him the right to take my dream away.

I fight him. And I cry out to him.

And I fall on my knees.

I fall deeper and deeper into my bed.

hours pass. I haven’t moved.

I don’t think I can.

I pick up the phone. I ask for help.

My friends and family surround me.

The ones I found. The ones that found me.

I wonder. What if this is how the story ends.

what if i had let the pain overwhelm me.

my pain relievers don’t serve me anymore.

they truly never did.

I’m stuck in these cycles.

of grief. of hate. of bitterness.

in the storm...

i rise, again. weary and broken.

strengthened in the peace my best friend brings to me.

he’s still there. and I am, too.

broken... but not destroyed.

Healing is not a linear path.

Yours faithfully,

Sam Qavah John.

Thank you for showing up for me in the midst of the darkness @the_nick_oftime and @ocdroodles

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