A Day of Grieving…
I spent the day grieving.
A sense of heartache consumed me.
Trauma is an unexpected, unannounced guest.
It steps in.
Through the lyric of a song.
Through the touch of a fabric.
A reminder of the person who left.
A reminder of the people I hurt.
Hurt for hurt…
An equation that makes sense in the moment but…
Leaves nothing but tragedy in its wake.
How my feelings deceive me.
How my heart thumps in anticipation of what I want right now.
How I feel generations of my lineage and the addiction that has defined that story push me back towards my desires.
My lust. My wants.
If I have made you believe that I am free of temptation. Of desire. Of lust.
I apologize for this deception.
I spend every waking moment making the choice to flee from it. From it all.
To stand in the Kroger alcohol section and fight with everything I have to walk away.
To choose, instead… Qavah. My grieving is not my weakness. It is my superpower.
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